November 6th, 1917: Somewhere off of the coast of Casablanca,
A vermillion streak lights up the sky and disappears into the ocean. There, a pulsing glow awaits.
“All hands! All hands! HMS Begonia this is a Code Black.”
“Captain, U-Boat surfacing off of our port bow!”
“Prepare for impact.”
Steel crashes into steel, the Begonia lurches and rolls on her side. The German vessel U-151 , captained by Waldemar Kophamel, came around and began to exchange fire with the Begonia, deck cannons roaring over the quiet winter night.
“We have him Captain.”
“Bring him to me.”
“He’s barely conscious sir, he keeps mumbling ‘Purplebot—’ "
“I said bring him to me!” Kophamel growls.
Bertram Figg is dropped before captain’s chair, sopping wet, stinking of the sea, and shivering cold. Kophamel wastes no time. "371 years, 8 months, and 22 days ago a vessel descended from the sky above what is now Eastern Prussia. It crashed, and from the remains a number of ‘artifacts’ were recovered by the church and brought before Martin Luther himself. Something in the relics from the vessel, presumably radiation, made him sick, and three days later, he was dead. Among them, this letter. It reads,
“To Bertram Figg,
If all goes according to plan, you should arrive at 33°45’08.1”N 7°39’08.7"W on the evening of, according to the Earth calendar, ‘November 6th, 1917.’ Naked as the day you were born. If you’ve made it this far, you will know Minja and I are long dead. However, time is a funny thing. It’s not a straight line, but more like, a curve? I don’t know how this will get to you, or why. Your magic will not work the same way here. It will change, and it will change you. =——————≥≥≥≥≥≥≥÷√÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷˙¥¶
This is a Letter of Compulsive Delivery. It must be passed on until it reaches you. No matter the cost, time, distance, or danger involved. I will return to this exact location in 455 years, 5 months, and 19 days. Wait for me there, and I will return you to your time.
Captain Kophamel cleared his throat. "Every emperor of Germanic lands has been given this document. It has been studied, disputed, forgotten, discovered, studied again, forgotten again, rediscovered, and re-examined, until it lands here with me, and you, and….here we are. On the behalf of Kaiser Wilhelm II, the German empire, and the Kingdom of Prussia, we consider our debt paid, this matter settled, and would you please place this man under arrest, and put hi—
“What’s that, herr Figg?”
After the war, when Kaiser Wilhelm fled to the Netherlands, Bertram made a new life for himself in England. He assumed the name Christopher Hewett.
According to record, Hewett was born in Worthing, Sussex, to an army officer father and an Irish mother who was a descendant of Daniel O’Connell. He was educated at Beaumont College and at Wimbledon College, and at aged 7, made his acting debut in Dublin stage production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream. At age 16, Hewett joined the Royal Air Force, leaving in 1940. Hewett then joined the Oxford Repertory Company and made his West End theatre debut in 1943.
He later appeared on Broadway in the musicals My Fair Lady, The Unsinkable Molly Brown, Music Is and Kean and in the plays Sleuth and The Affair, among others, and directed the 1960 Broadway revue From A to Z and the 1967 Off Broadway revival of the Rodgers and Hart musical By Jupiter. Hewett also directed several stage productions including The Marriage-Go-Round and Beyond the Fringe and Camelot.
Hewett made his film debut in the crime drama Pool of London (1951), and later appeared in roles on Robert Montgomery Presents and DuPont Show of the Month. He appeared as the grand theatre director Roger DeBris in Mel Brooks’s comedy film The Producers (1968). In 1976, Hewett played the generic bureaucrat Federov in the short-lived sitcom Ivan the Terrible. During the 1979-80 season, he played Captain Hook to Sandy Duncan’s Peter Pan on Broadway. From 1983 to 1984, he portrayed Lawrence, Mr. Roarke’s (Ricardo Montalbán) sidekick on the final season of the ABC series Fantasy Island.
The following year, Hewett landed his best known role as Lynn Aloysius Belvedere, an English butler who works for a middle class American family in the sitcom Mr. Belvedere. After the series ended its run in 1990, Hewett appeared in a guest spot on an episode of the NBC teen sitcom California Dreams in 1994. His last onscreen role was a cameo appearance on the Fox series Ned and Stacey in 1997.
A devout Catholic and lifelong bachelor, Hewett served at St. Victor’s Church in West Hollywood. During his later years, he suffered from arthritis and diabetes.
Hewett “died” on 3 August 2001, at his Los Angeles home from complications of diabetes. He was 80 years old.
Bertram laid his old persona to rest just as he had so many others. It was a cold night in the fields of Borgdorf, 83 years, 8 months, and 28 days since Bertram had received Teks’ letter. Teks was right, magic had changed him. He was taller now, advanced in age but not in vitality. He had aggregated a moderate gut, and a full beard. A vermillion glow lit up the night, this time coming to a gentle landing before the old man waiting in the early morning mist. A door opened, and a formorian emerged, gizmos whirring about inside. Behind him, Teks rolled forward. Invalid in his old age, he wheeled forward and extended a claw, Bertram took it, and was led aboard. Soon, the droplet shaped craft ascended back from which it came, and the fields of Borgdorf were still once again.